And it ain’t good, either. Why? Well, because it involves me probably leaving DA…for good. And who knows, maybe even the whole internet.
Reason? Well then, sit down and lemme tell ya.
Also, TL;DR ahead, just in case.
Anyways, the issue i’m dealing with that may make me leave here involves a well-known artist known as Andrew Dickman(he has an account here: ). The guy is a great artist and all, so what got me to make an issue outta him, well, read this first in order for you to understand: http://rayleeman.deviantart.com/journal/Oh-boy-536232799
Done reading it? Good. Now you might be wondering if this whole thing about me creating a character similar to AWD’s, well, I decided to give you an email that I gave to him regarding the issue, here it is:
(Email I sent to AWD)
“Hi Andy, it’s me again. I know it’s been a few months now since our convolution online and it’s been pretty rough between us lately over our OC’s and what not. And trust me, I was still upset even when I created my Dixie character. Hell, sometimes, I always curse under my breath about Pixels, and sometimes I had thoughts that, well, you probably don’t wanna know.
But I decided that it’s about time to come clean and tell you the truth. Because that whole thing about me creating a character similar to Pixels five years ago was all made up. Yeah, that’s right, I made it up. I never actually created a character similar to your bunny OC five years back. Yeah, you heard me right, I tried to take away your bunny OC for my own purposes. So my Dixie character is just a rip-off and not a retool of a character I created five years back(Which I hope explains why the whole situation seemed too coincidental). So yeah, i’m a fucking theif! There, I said it!
BUT, I didn’t try steal Pixels away from you not because I was trying to fuck with you. Oh no, it something more personal, and probably a little creepy(I can be creepy at times, sorry). The reason I tried to take her away from you is because I love her. No, literally, I do. Like, a lot! I Love her like if she was my own child.
Now you might be saying "But pixels is just a drawing”, and you’re right. But it’s more that that. I love her not only because she’s simply a cartoon(and to an extent, her design), but it’s also because of the emotion that make feel attached to her. I have feelings for this character, like if she was real.
It’s like how you would feel attached to a character from a tv show, comic book, video game, ect. You have feelings for a certain character because of what they’re personality/emotions are. And even though i’m not a gamer, there’s something about her that makes me feel attracted to her. I guess it’s ‘cause she looks so happy and care-free, and that’s something I can relate to.
Why? Maybe it has to do with my depression. Yeah, that’s right. I’m depressed. And the reason is due to my very rough childhood. If you don’t know what i’m talking about, here’s a link for you to know:http://forum.deviantart.com/community/life/2063308/ (come back when you’re done reading it)
(NOTE: The same goes to you too, whoever’s reading this journal.)
If you read what’s on the link, now you’ll know why i’m so depressed. But that was a few months back. Thankfully, I have been getting some help recently, but I still have a long way to go.
Anyways, you should be glad that you at least lived a better life than I did. I would like to be in your shoes and see what’s it like being a great artist like you, and creating such wonderful characters like Pixels, and have a much better life like yours. I’m sorry if this is sounding too weird for you, but it’s true. You created characters that were better and more original than mine. I mean, I created a character that looks WAY too similar to that Captain Rainbow(www.google.com.mx/imgres?imgur…) guy(don’t ask how I found out), and you made created characters that, while taking influence, at least had more originality than mine.
So yeah, right now you might hate me more and thinking i’m nothing but a lonlely, depressed, and butthurt weirdo loser who can’t making anything good and original and should quit on art, leave the internet for good, drop out of college, and spend the rest of life making a living off of flipping burgers.
If that’s what you think, than good! Because I deserve that life, I don’t deserve another chance. I fucked up and now you’re probably disgusted with me(or in that case, a lot more!).
And in case you’re wondering, i’m actually leaving Deviantart sometime this week, so I might as well start leaving every other site account I have online as well. I bet you’ll be a lot happier about me leaving the web and cheering for it.
All in all, you deserve better as an artist. I don’t.
I hope you understood.
P.S. You probably don’t wanna bother responding to this message, so don’t do it if you don’t want to. I understand.“
So, there you have it, folks. And I understand that rough childhood and/or depression won’t excuse for what i’ve done to Andy, but again, i’m glad at least i’m getting some help in the meantime. But nonetless, it’s too late now. There’s no way I can convince AWD to give me another chance. I fucked up, and I deserve being hated by everyone else. So, all in all, I might as well leave DA, and possibly the rest of the internet as well.
But before I do, I must finish a commission and trade first before leaving(or maybe I might leave now, and give the the people their commision and trade after), and after that, i’ll depart from this website and the rest of my other accounts on other sites online. I hope AWD will be really happy after this.
I might as well give up my dreams while i’m at it. After all, i’m no good being an artist, especially one who can make original content.
I know i’m making a big deal outta this, but the internet can be unforgiving. So why bother giving another chance?
In the end, I will be leaving very soon. For now, i’m going to bed.
So yeah, goodbye forever, maybe.
P.S. He hasn’t replied to my email yet, so he probably doesn’t care anymore.